Author: JoAnna Brandi
Happiness is a choice we make—over and over again in the course of the day. It's a choice we make to listen with a sense of curiosity rather than judgment, and a choice to intervene in our habitual thought patterns that often lead us right down the rabbit hole to negativity. We can make the choice to be happy—or at least happier—in most situations by changing what we put our focus on and how we talk to ourselves.
Last week I found myself ending my email correspondence with the phrase "Be Well, Stay Happy." After doing this a few times, I took note that it's not the usual way I sign an email. What's up?
I'd been corresponding with a number of the people I met while speaking at the Customer Care Forum in Atlanta the week before last. In context it made perfect sense. I had done a speech entitled "When Happiness Comes First," and wanted to remind people stay happy.
It was particularly exciting for me to speak again this year because this is a relatively new speech, premiered last September, and every time I get to do it, the audience response is tremendous. People really appreciate the information and the tools I give them as a result of having become an "Authentic Happiness Coach" last year. I've taken all that I learn from the "Science of Happiness" to make my work on customer and employee loyalty exciting, fresh and new. Good news is, I'm still learning!
The bonus - I seem to get happier each time I teach it. And each day that I work on making my work more "happiness focused" I am reminded again that there really is no way to happiness - happiness is the way.
Happiness is a choice we make - over and over again in the course of the day. It's a choice we make to listen with a sense of curiosity rather than judgment, and a choice to intervene in our habitual thought patterns that often lead us right down the rabbit hole to negativity. We can make the choice to be happy - or at least happier - in most situations by changing what we put our focus on and how we talk to ourselves.
Here's what I mean. Last week I found myself slipping from a perfectly wonderful mood when a friend said something that I interpreted in a negative way. After I hung up the phone I played his words over and over in my head, each time fanning the fire of indignation and resentment at the comment I took personally and negatively. (A habit pattern of pessimists, by the way.)
In a relatively short period of time I had quite a head of steam going. My sunny good mood turned stormy and the thunderclouds were just beginning to form when I said aloud to myself, "What ARE you doing?" The sound of my voice startled me.
All of a sudden I became acutely aware that I was having an argument in my head AND I was defending my right to be miserable. Whoa! Here's where my training in positive psychology really came in.
I talked myself out of the negative mood and back into a more positive one by focusing my attention on the big picture (my wonderful friend) and not on the little one (a comment taken out of context, with no real supporting information.) I recognized that I was generating a lot of negative energy in my body. Not good for the health and not the way I wanted to be spending a Saturday!
Every day we each get the opportunity to make choices about what we tell ourselves in response to what's going on in our world. Most of the time we simply respond habitually to whatever comes our way. Occasionally we get the insight to hit the "pause" button and watch the movie that's unfolding before us. Here's where we really have our power - in the moment - to change the direction of the action by what we say to ourselves.
How many opportunities to you have in any given day to stop the action and change the outcome?
A customer calls and you know by the tone of their voice that they upset - you can react immediately and get defensive (which throws your body into a stress mode) or you can hit the pause button and look at the action. Perhaps you can choose to look at the situation from more of place of curiosity and wonder and have an open mind. Maybe they are having a really bad day (like my friend was) and their attitude towards you really has nothing to do with you.
Just a thought.
Try hitting the "pause" button in your brain a few times today and become aware of what you are saying to yourself about any given situation. Could you be interpreting the situations in your life in a more positive light? Can you find space to give yourself - or another - the benefit of the doubt? Are you supporting your well-being with your own self talk? Aw, c'mon. Give it a try. You just might like it.
Stay well, be happy,
JoAnna
Copyright 2006 by JoAnna Brandi. Used with permission.