"I don't take it personally," said the young man at Comcast as I vented (as politely and calmly as I could) about having been caught in the Comcast nightmare of a phone system for the better part of an hour.
 
My Mom's TV wasn't working and we needed help. We started by calling information to look for the local office and got one phone number that had been disconnected, one that turned out to be a fax machine and the central 800 number which trapped us in a loop so ridiculously stupid that my blood pressure and hers was rapidly rising.
 
I went out and back in several times to see if I could get a different result and couldn't. No matter what I did I could not get a person on the phone. Finally, mom found the paper phone book (we didn't have an internet connection at her place) and gave me a local phone number that was different than the ones I had tried. By posing as a new business customer I was finally connected to a real person.
 
"I'm sorry you've had such a hard time, let's see what I can do for you."
 
The young man handled himself well. He listened and resisted jumping on the bandwagon (as I complained about the better part of an hour of my life that had just been spent finding him.)
 
That part of the experience was well done. He was right to not take it personally, he knew my anger was at the situation and not at him (and I must say I was remarkably contained considering how long it took me to get through.)
 
People in customer facing roles have a tough job. They have to be cool under fire and able to empathize in such a way that the customer feels heard and understood. They have to apologize sincerely even though they didn't do anything wrong. They have to resist taking it personally when the customer is angry but take their jobs very personally if they want to be good at them.
 
That's why people in customer facing roles need to have a high EQ not just a high IQ. Emotional intelligence is critical in caring for customers. Owning the job and taking it personally makes for a great service giver - until the customer gets angry - and then the ability to step back, detach emotionally from the situation so as not to get looped into defensive behavior is the superior skill.
 
Good managers make sure to deliver frequent training on "recovery" skills because it's darn hard to listen to an upset customer and not have the primal "flight or flight" response kick in. Our bodies are hard wired to respond to the sound of an angry voice with defensiveness.
 
Defensive behavior keeps the customer on the offensive. That's the time to get out of the way and not take it personally. It's the time to step back, take the eagle's view and step into a state of curiosity and non-judgment.  Skillful self-talk, "I wonder why that person is so unhappy" or "Here's an opportunity to use my very best communication skills" helps occupy the mind and shift it away from reaction.
 
For every stimulus there is a reaction. A skillful service provider knows that if he or she reacts rather than responds to an angry customer they are headed towards an energy draining interaction.  A good manager makes sure to teach and reinforce recovery skills that emphasize hitting an imaginary "pause button" or taking a breath which gives just enough time to respond proactively rather react with defensive behavior.
 
Kudos to the young man that dealt with me so skillfully. Shame on Comcast for creating the situation in the first place.
 
The good part (and there is always a good part) it gave me the opportunity to tell you about the few moments when I think it's important to NOT take it personally. When you let go of your need to be right and the need to defend you make space for the customer to tell her story and feel heard.
 
Just Breathe,
 
JoAnna 

Copyright 2010 by JoAnna Brandi. Used with permission.